


Love Will Make a Home Inside You

by moshiznik



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Avengers Tower, Canon-Typical Violence, Captain America Reverse Big Bang 2019, Child Imprisonment, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kid Fic, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2020-04-23 09:53:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19148662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moshiznik/pseuds/moshiznik
Summary: "All children need is love, a grown-up to take responsibility for them, and a soft place to land." (A Discovery of Witches by Deborah Harkness)Or, the one in which two super soldiers adopt two super children and, incidentally, fall in love.





	1. Made of Air

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! 
> 
> A huge thank you to my amazing artist [koreanrage](https://koreanrage.tumblr.com/post/185468982300/and-my-other-collab-for-this-years-caprbb-fic). I seriously could not have done this without your amazing work and am just so in awe of everything you do.
> 
> Another shoutout to my amazing beta and best friend. Llama love, llama life.
> 
> Lastly, a huge thank you to everyone who reads this. I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> (＾▽＾) Mo
> 
>  
> 
> Fic title is taken from this lovely quote: “Love will make a home inside you again.” - Dhiman

 

 

The serenity of the Wakandan valley slowly breathes life back into Bucky. Day by day and hour by hour, the horrors of his life, of Hydra and a never ending sea of war, become more distant; not gone but removed. Bits and pieces of who he was, a boy from Brooklyn just trying to find his place in this world and look out for the ones he loved, come back, steadily realigning his reality with the knowledge of who he was, is, and hopes to be.

 

“Bucky.”

 

At the familiar voice, Bucky looks up from where he had been watching the neighbor’s children play with the goats in the field. Seeing Steve, as always, lessens the tension in his shoulders, makes the cracks in his memory fuse together like all they needed was that sunshine smile and earnest blue gaze to be whole.

 

“Hey, Stevie.”

 

The small smile that graces Steve’s face makes the air around him simmer and the butterflies in his stomach flutter.

 

For a moment they just smile, Bucky watching Steve and Steve watching Bucky, both content to take their fill while the children continue playing and the goats bleat along happily.

 

Steve sits beside him, and Bucky feels an ache in his chest at the countless times he’s dreamed of this, memories coming back like old movies played on a big screen. Wakanda has been a blessing, a miracle, something he never could have dreamed about back in the war and something he never could have even hoped for while he was under Hydra’s control. Ever since Steve brought him here, to recuperate and recover some of his sanity, his identity, he’s waited for this moment to be with the one person in the world who could possibly understand what it’s like to be a man out of time. Separate. Other. Yet here all the same.

 

The closeness of Steve’s body soothes him, and Bucky can’t help but lean into it, no matter that the hot, Wakandan air leaves beads of sweat on his brow and dripping steadily down his back.

 

“Shuri says that you’re all healed up. At least,” Steve pauses, looking at him with the weight of a man who knows that not everything can be fixed, “whatever Hydra had done to activate the Soldier.”

 

Bucky shrugs. He doesn’t doubt it; Shuri is an amazing scientist and an excellent healer. It’s not the facts so much as the fear that leaves a twisted feeling in his gut.

 

A strong arm settles around his back and Bucky settles into the support that Steve offers, welcoming the contact and the acknowledgment that he’s not alone: he’s got Steve.

 

“I was thinking,” Bucky begins slowly,unsure how to continue. He’s been thinking a lot lately and that used to get him in trouble.

 

The pause is long enough that it prompts Steve to squeeze his shoulder, eliciting the fleeting feeling of a hug, of being safe. Of dark humid nights in a tiny apartment, with a much smaller Steve and a much more innocent Bucky.

 

Pressed together with Steve while the echoes of memories surround him, he takes a breath and, on the exhale, asks, “Whadaya say I come back with you? Join the Avengers…” Bucky allows the question to trail off, the words hanging in the air. Another scene of a bar in London forms around him, of a team banding together, forming a unit and a family.

 

He moves back, leaning away from Steve’s comforting embrace to better see his reaction.

 

Steve’s face is tight yet hopeful, his brow creased with concern while those seering blue eyes begin to twinkle with the edge of a smile. The small smile he reserves just for Bucky.

 

“Are you sure? You don’t have to fight. I won’t ever ask that of you, Buck.”

 

Bucky nods. He knows. Steve has never been one to demand Bucky to do anything. After years of being under Hydra’s control, of being forced to wreak havoc and destruction, he knows that he has much to make up for. Bucky also knows that no one will ever have Steve’s back, not like he would.

 

“Yes, I’m sure,” sure to keep his voice and gaze steady.

 

Steve assesses him, reading the sincerity and the determination on Bucky’s face, before he nods.

 

“Punk,” Bucky breathes, turning back to watch the children and breaking eye contact.

 

Steve chuckles as if taken by surprise. With a quiet, endearing, “Jerk,” he too turns forward, his arm snaking back around Bucky’s shoulders and his chin resting against Bucky’s temple.

 

“I notice you kept the uniform.”

 

This time, a full belly laugh erupts from Steve and, for the first time in a long time, Bucky laughs too.

 

*

 

It’s Bucky’s first night in the Avengers Tower, in his new home, and he can’t sleep.

 

Tony and Pepper had met him and Steve when they got in from Wakanda, Pepper pulling Steve in for a hug and then, surprisingly, doing the same with Bucky. He wasn’t used to people other than Steve hugging him but he returned the embrace and felt a little more human for it.

 

The heir to the Stark legacy, it seems, is incapable of not welcoming the newest member of the Avengers with anything less than the grand gesture of his very own apartment, filled with every amenity and nicety know to this century. Clean white walls and tall windows that look over the city are striking, yet disconcerting when Bucky had spent the last few months surrounded by the beautiful, natural landscape of Wakanda.

 

Bucky is in the most expensive apartment he has ever lived in and he has been lying in his bed staring at the ceiling for the past four hours, unable to fall asleep or even pretend like he could try.

 

While lovely, the apartment is empty. Devoid of those special touches that make it home, which makes him restless and unable to settle because the last time a dwelling had been so bleak, so pristine, was when he was with Hydra.

 

Glancing at the clock, Bucky sighs and rolls out of bed. He grabs his phone and his grab bag, filled with money and ids and weapons - just in case - and leaves his new apartment.

 

He avoids the elevator, not wanting to answer any questions from disembodied robots, no matter how friendly and helpful Jarvis seems, and takes the stairs. In less than five minutes, he’s knocking on Steve’s door.

 

“Buck?” Steve’s deep voice is gravelly from sleep. He’s wearing a plain white t-shirt with black boxers; his hair is messy with bed head and his eyes are barely open. The sight feels so achingly familiar that it makes Bucky begin to shake.

 

Steve, of course, notices. “Hey, come on, come in,” and ushers Bucky inside, grabbing his bag and setting it down by the door.

 

Bucky follows him inside and lets Steve lead him to the kitchen, where he guides Bucky to sit into a chair at the island and begins to make them tea. Another kitchen from another time forms around him, like the whispers of a memory, with Bucky doing the same exact thing for a very sick Steve.

 

Once the tea is made, Steve sits down next to Bucky and turns his chair to face him so that  they are knee to knee, legs interwoven like a zipper. They sip their tea and Bucky is once again grateful for the fact that his best friend understands exactly what he needs.

 

Bucky looks at Steve for a few moments and then glances around the apartment. He hadn’t gotten to see it earlier and the homey touches that Steve has made contrast drastically with Bucky’s own brand new apartment. He feels his body release all of the tension that had been building since Pepper had dropped him off there that he sags into his chair. Steve watches him over the rim of his mug and waits, ever so patient, for Bucky to tell him what’s wrong.

 

“I don’t know if I’m worth all this, Steve,” his voice is small; the words ring true. He’s almost ashamed to admit this, but Steve knows him better than he knows himself, and so he offers the confession and hopes for salvation.

 

Carefully, Steve sets down his mug and reaches over to take Bucky’s, setting it beside his on the countertop.

 

“Bucky,” his voice is so soft and so deep, so full of care and concern and love that Bucky leans forward, drawn in like a moth to a flame. “What you did all those years, it wasn’t you. You didn’t have a choice.” Steve places a wide, warm hand on Bucky’s metal arm, giving it a reassuring squeeze. The action says more than words ever could.

 

“I know. But I did it.”

 

“No. You didn’t. Hydra did. Hydra used you. The gave you no choice. You didn’t ask for this to happen. You didn’t plan to fall from that train,” Steve’s voice catches and Bucky feels his own eyes begin to water, “and be captured and tortured.”

 

Bucky nods along, Steve’s words a benediction that soothes his weary soul.

 

“Bucky, you are the strongest person I know. You fought and you survived,” Steve’s blue eyes are blazing. With each point, Steve has moved closer and closer, as if the less distance there is between them, the more fully Bucky will be able to believe him.

 

Tears fall slowly down his face, the moisture leaving tracks on his cheeks and reminding him that he is alive, he is human. Steve lifts his arms and gently reaches out, cupping Bucky’s face in his hands and wiping away his silent tears. The touch is as electrifying as it is soothing.

 

“I’m so sorry that that happened to you, and I know that it’s hard to separate what you did with who you are. But, believe me, you deserve this and so much more.”

 

Words fail and so all Bucky can do is reach up and place both his hands over Steve’s, feeling so connected and whole that he can’t even bear the thought of leaving Steve’s apartment, Steve’s warm support.

 

Steve understands without Bucky having to say anything and whispers, “Come on,” and leads him out of the kitchen down the hallway and into his bedroom. Bucky allows himself to be tugged along, his limbs compliant with the gentle push from Steve to get into bed. They lay side by side, both turned toward each other so that their breaths mingle and their knees touch.

 

He isn’t sure how long it takes but eventually he falls asleep. Wrapped up in the warmth of Steve’s blankets and the familiar scent of Steve’s cologne, it’s the best sleep he’s had in a lifetime.

 

The next day, Steve helps Bucky move his few belongings into Steve’s apartment. They set him up in the room right next to Steve’s and they do some online shopping to make it feel like home - like Brooklyn and Wakanda. He finds that while the furnishings and the decorations help, the biggest difference is that Steve is here with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is credited to the amazingly talented, Pablo Neruda.
> 
> Before I loved you, Love, nothing was my own:  
> I wavered through the streets, among objects:  
> nothing mattered or had a name:  
> the world was made of air, which waited.  
> -Pablo Neruda, Sonnet XXV


	2. Between the Shadow & the Soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Avengers go on a mission. It goes nothing like they expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warnings for child imprisonment & child abuse

A loud crash reverberates through the building, the entire structure shaking. Bucky assesses the damage: nothing is falling from the ceiling, no cracks are forming in the walls. Normally, these would be good signs, but you just never know when you’re with the Avengers.

 

Another rumble from the floor above has Bucky moving. Sam’s harried, “What the-!” has him running.

 

“Steve?” he barks, his legs burning as he sprints up the stairs and crashes through the door on the next floor up, looking around for any sign of a fight. “Steven Grant, if you don’t answer me, I swear to G-“

 

“Grant, huh?”

 

Bucky can hear Natasha’s smirk through the comms. He grinds his teeth; he knows that she knows that he knows that literally everyone knows Captain America’s middle name.

 

The building creaks again and, this time, several rounds of cursing can be heard over the comms.

 

“Anyone got eyes on Cap?” Natasha sounds worried. Bucky’s lungs constrict. 

 

“Top floor,” Steve finally answers, and Bucky feels like he can breathe again.

 

“Uh, guys?” Scott’s tinny voice comes through the comms, his normally chipper voice laced with tension.

 

Steve notices too, “What is it, Scott?” His voice is commanding and concerned. 100% Captain America.

 

“Where are you?” Natasha, ever the pragmatist, asks instead.

 

Finally reaching the top floor, Bucky skids to a stop, looking around and seeing nothing, absolutely nothing. 

 

“Basement. You guys have to-“

 

Silence falls over the comms, and Bucky feels his stomach drop. Silence on a mission, especially after they’ve already infiltrated and broken cover, is never good.

 

“Steve!” he shouts, moving forward with light feet as he clears each room he passes. Adrenaline courses through him, urging him to move faster, harder. He has to find Steve and make sure that he’s okay.

 

After clearing the sixth room, Bucky finds him. Steve is bent over a desk, papers litter the wide surface as the computer billows acrid smoke.

 

“Steve?” he asks, the relief of finding him turning quickly to dread as he sees the look on his friend’s face.

 

“The computers were destroyed, some kind of bomb went off. They must be on a killswitch, connected throughout the building’s network.”

 

Bucky nods, moving closer until they are shoulder to shoulder. The nearness centers him, grounds him in the fact that they are together, they are okay. At least for the moment. He glances down, trying to read the papers that are clasped tightly in Steve’s hands, “What did you find?”

 

Steve looks at him, his eyes wide with dismay, his chin set with righteous anger. 100% Steve Rogers.

 

“Records of human experiments,” he sets the papers down on the desk, showing Bucky the innumerable notes of dates and drugs, tests and results. Bucky feels sick to his stomach, sick as he reads and instantly remembers the notes from his own experiments, which had been painstakingly thorough, his blood staining the red ink used by-

 

“Hydra.”

 

Steve nods. Bucky wants to hurl.

 

“Shit.”

 

“Bucky,” Steve moves, catching his hand - his metal hand - between both of his, strong and warm, and draws him closer, wrapping him in a hug. “You’re okay. You’re here, with me.” Bucky focuses on breathing, in and out. Nice and deep. “I’m not gonna let anything happen to you. I’m with you till the end of the line, pal.”

 

Nodding, he allows himself this small indulgence, taking refuge in the shadow of Steve’s body, to bask in the safety of his promise.

 

“Steve!” The alarm in Natasha’s voice breaks them apart. Bucky’s concern is echoed on Steve’s face.

 

“What is it, Nat?”

 

“You better get down to the basement. Now,” her tone brooks no argument.

 

Steve grabs up as much of the papers as he can before rushing out the door. Bucky follows him down the ten flights of stairs until they reach the basement and Steve rams right through the door with his shield. Normally, Bucky would tease him for opening an unlocked door with such unnecessary force, but the panic in first Scott and then Natasha’s voices have him biting back the quip.

 

It takes a few paces for Bucky to note that an odd silence permeates the floor. The air feels heavier, thicker, as if it’s weighed down by more than just humidity. Moisture clings to the walls, and Bucky feels the hairs on the back of his neck rise.

 

Now that he knows that this is Hydra, that their intel was wrong and this isn’t just another startup terrorist group, he feels like they’re walking into the belly of the beast. Droplets of moisture cling to his face and Bucky wipes them away, feeling the coolness of the air surround him like a wet blanket.

 

There are no doors, only a long hallway lined with dim lights and concrete walls. They make their way down the hallway, Steve’s shield up and Bucky’s gun at the ready. 

 

The lone door stands ajar, the same dim light filtering through it and illuminating the Avengers that are already there. With each step forward, their voices become more distinct: first Hope and Scott arguing, then the low murmurs of Natasha, Clint, and Sam.

 

Steve enters the room first with Bucky right on his heels. They glance around the room, taking in the small space around them, filled only with a desk in one corner, a high tech computer monitor sitting on top that clashes with the old, rundown facade of the rest of the room. Beside the desk, and taking up most of the space, is a large glass wall. The room doesn’t make sense, the image disconcerting in its oddness, until the Avengers move aside, parting so that Steve and Bucky can see-

 

“Are those-” Steve’s voice is thin like ice, cold and fragile.

 

“Kids,” Sam nods, his usually jovial face drawn into a deep frown.

 

“Shit,” Bucky echoes the sentiment. His body feels frozen, his eyes trained on the sight before him and nothing else. 

 

The glass wall is actually a glass cell. The desk next to it looks more menacing than it had at first glance as Bucky notices the wires connecting the computer to the cell, the yellow and red wires interwoven and tangled throughout the small space, leading to two figures in the opposite corner.

 

Two sets of wary eyes look back at him. Bucky takes in their small frames, their unkempt hair (one long and red, the other short and bright white, almost silver), the unwashed clothes and gaunt frames. 

 

They see his arm, see the red star and know that Hydra made it - made him. Bucky’s heart breaks at the unguarded fear he sees reflected back at him.

 

As if pulled by a string, he moves forward, drawn in by an unseen force. He can hear Steve talking to the team behind him, knows that he should be helping, should help them try to find some way to get the two children out. But he can’t tear his eyes away.

 

Slowly, ever so slowly, he places his hands, both flesh and metal, on the glass. The children look on, motionless and afraid. They stay huddled in their corner, wrapped around each other on the lone small cot.

 

Bucky vibrates with anger, indignant at the thought that Hydra, who was supposed to have been destroyed and dismantled after the downfall of Project Insight, is still alive and well.

 

Behind him, Scott and Hope continue to argue over whether to use the Pym particles to get inside the cell, but there would be no way to get the children out. There is no door, only a wall of thick, unyielding glass. Cruel in its transparency.

 

The children look past Bucky at the other Avengers, taking in their conversation, the animated gestures and nonverbals. Natasha comes forward to stand beside Bucky. She kneels down and pulls him with her so that they are no longer standing, towering over the two scared children, but are now at the same eye level.

 

“We’re not here to hurt you,” she says, voice calm and steady. Bucky doubts that they can hear her through the glass, but he can see her smile, warm and reassuring as she offers them something that neither she nor Bucky ever received: hope. The shadows of Bucky’s soul ache.

 

“I don’t know what to do,” Scott sounds completely dismayed.

 

“I do,” Bucky answers, looking back at the team to see that they are now all looking at him.

 

Without offering an explanation, he stands. Natasha rises, motioning to the two children in what is hopefully a universal sign to stay back. Once she retreats, Bucky assesses the walls of the glass cell holding them captive. He moves back, one pace and then two, planting his feet in a wide stance before clenching his fist and driving it straight into the wall. 20% the fist of Hydra, 80% pissed off Bucky Barnes.

 

The glass shatters under the pressure. Bucky allows the shards to rain down on him, most of them glancing off his tactical gear and landing in a clatter on the floor. He doesn’t take his eyes off of the children, only steps forward carefully once the glass has settled until he is only a few paces away. Slowly, Bucky lowers himself so that he is once again kneeling, but this time he makes sure to not be at their eye level but below it. Subservient in the hopes to even the playing field of this fucked up power dynamic. Their wide eyes are filled with unshed tears as they stare back, mouths agape at the fact that they are no longer trapped.

 

Steve settles next to him, his stance mirroring Bucky’s so that they are shoulder to shoulder. His hand reaches out, grasping Bucky’s thigh in a grateful, reassuring squeeze. They’re in this together.

 

Seconds tick by. Bucky isn’t sure what to do next. The room is completely, utterly silent.

 

He takes in the wary faces of the two children before him, resolving to make this world a better place, to ensure that from this point on they only know what it means to live freely, to be safe and cared for and loved. Having Steve next to him feels right.

 

Between one blink of an eye and the next, the child with short, silver hair is in Bucky’s arms, their thin arms wrapped around his neck so tightly that it breaks Bucky’s heart. Carefully, as if he is handling his mother’s most precious china, Bucky wraps his arms around the child’s thin frame and returns the embrace. 

 

More cautiously, the child with long red hair moves forward, red tendrils of power snaking out from their body as they hover off the bed and approach Steve and Bucky. Steve smiles encouragingly, so kind and open that it makes Bucky’s chest ache. What he would have done to see that smile while under Hydra’s control.

 

Finally, the child reaches them, a questioning look on their face as if they still aren’t sure whether or not Bucky and Steve can be trusted. But one look at the other child, who is now wrapped tightly around Bucky’s torso like a baby monkey clinging to its mother, they finally seem to give in and reach out cautiously to Steve, wrapping first one arm and then the other around his neck before red tendrils are hoisting them up and they are fully in Steve’s waiting embrace.

 

“Well done, boys. Now let’s get the hell out of here.” 

 

Bucky wholeheartedly agrees.

 

*

 

The day after they rescue the children, when they’re busy with health assessments and much needed sleep, Bucky sneaks out of Avengers Tower in the middle of the night to take down Hydra.

 

This time, he doesn’t miss a single threat.

 

*

 

When Bucky returns, tired but vindicated, he finds Steve in the medical wing, sitting in one of the recliners next to one of the twins’ hospital beds. While he had been away, Bucky had asked Jarvis for updates on how the children were doing and was surprised to learn that they were twins. The twins are estimated to be around six or seven years old and, unsurprisingly, had unique powers that, according to doctor’s tests, were completely natural and were not a result of any of Hydra’s experientations. 

 

The updates had kept Bucky going and fueled the flame of his hatred better than any self-righteous anger could have done.

 

Soft beeping comes from the machines monitoring the twins vitals. Both are conked out, mouths open and limbs splayed on the tiny hospital beds. Their hair has been washed and their faces are clean; they are in brightly colored hospital gowns that contrast so much with the dull, dirty clothes they had found them in that it makes Bucky long to see them out of the hospital, laughing and playing and just enjoying life like regular kids.

 

As quietly as possible, Bucky pulls a chair over to sit next to Steve beside the red-headed girl’s bed. The legs scratch on the floor, causing Steve to jerk awake. 

 

“Hey,” he says, wiping the sleep from his eyes as he stretches his long legs and cracks his neck.

 

“Hey, yourself,” Bucky keeps his voice low and quiet, not wanting to wake the children.

 

“Is that my shirt?” the question causes Bucky to look down and notice that he is indeed wearing one of Steve’s shirts. 

 

He shrugs, feeling a wide smile spread across his mouth as he notices that Steve is, in fact, wearing one of Bucky’s shirts, “I could ask you the same question, punk.”

 

Somehow, in the gray darkness of the hospital room, Bucky sees Steve blush. He shrugs too, trying to be nonchalant but ducking his head a little as if shy. In his mission-related tiredness, Bucky can’t help but think that he’s unbearably cute.

 

They settle, content to watch the twins sleep. Eventually Bucky hears Steve’s breaths even out until he is once again sleeping. Bucky, feeling the adrenaline from his mission finally wearing off now that he’s home, allows himself to fall asleep too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title once again inspired by Pablo Neruda:
> 
> I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,  
> or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.  
> I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,  
> in secret, between the shadow and the soul.  
> -Pablo Neruda, Sonet XVII


	3. Defeat the Darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “We’re gonna do the right thing by them, Buck. And that means no one gets left behind."

For the first month, the children trust no one except for Steve and Bucky. Hope, Natasha, and Sam come in at a close second, but they still face the mysterious red energy barrier if they try to get too close.

 

During that time, they make slow progress on learning more about the children. Now that they are safe, the twins sleep a lot, but the doctors tell them that it’s part of the healing process, both mentally and physically.

 

After taking a much needed break, one in which the children were definitely asleep for the better part of the morning, Bucky and Steve return to the room and find that the twins are awake, both sitting up in their clean, crisp white beds and staring at the room around them. Natasha is speaking with them, her voice gentle and warm as she translates questions from the doctors into Russian so that the children can, apparently, understand them.

 

“How old are you?” Dr. Cho asks, clipboard in hand as she waits patiently for Natasha to translate.

 

“Сколько тебе лет?”

 

“ Шесть.”

 

“Six.”

 

Steve’s brows furrow at Natasha’s response. Bucky feels his own expression mirror Steve’s.

 

“What are your names?”

 

“Как вас зовут?”

 

“Ванда.”  

 

“Wanda,” Natasha offers, although Dr. Cho has already written down a note.

 

“Pietro.”

 

“Рад встрече [Pleased to meet you],” Natasha smiles warmly at the twins. They smile back at her, small but hopeful.

 

A nurse tries to enter the room, asking Bucky to excuse them. Bucky shifts sideways from where he was standing in the doorway, just behind Steve. At the exchange, the twins look up and see the two of them standing there. They give a cry of excitement at their sudden reappearance. 

 

Natasha clamps a hand down on Pietro’s arm before he can dash away, earning a haughty glare from the young boy but preventing him from ripping out his IV line. Wanda remains still but gives them the biggest, brightest smile that Bucky has ever seen.

 

“Привет, маленькие дорогие, [Hello, little darlings]” Bucky greets them. Their eyes light up even more and Pietro literally starts vibrating with the urgency to move. Steve gives him a look from the side, the expression on his face something Bucky hasn’t seen before.

 

At the realization that Bucky can speak with them, the two children begin talking at once, no longer shy in the face of Dr. Cho and Natasha. Bucky moves into the room and answers their questions.

 

“Where were you?” The worry in Pietro’s voice makes Bucky’s heart melt.

 

“I’m sorry, little one. I was resting.” Steve comes up behind him, lightly resting his hand on the small of Bucky’s back. The warmth of his touch seeps into Bucky and he can’t help but relish the unusual gesture from his friend.

 

“Where are we?” Wanda’s voice is thin, laced with weariness yet filled with strength that Bucky can’t help but marvel at. 

 

“You’re in New York City. You’re with the Avengers.”

 

At the mention of the Avengers, the twins’ eyes widen and they shrink back, looking at each other across the tiny space that separates their two hospital beds.

 

Steve notices their reaction and moves forward, kneeling down between them, “Hey, it’s okay. Everything is going to be all right now.” Bucky doesn’t need to translate Steve’s kind words for them to understand what Steve is saying, what he is offering to them.

 

“Can we stay here? With you?”

 

“Of course, дорогой [darling].” 

 

*

 

The challenge with the twins is not that they have so much to learn but that they are far too intelligent for Steve and Bucky to keep up with. The rate at which they learn English, not to mention all of the ins and outs of the tower, which Bucky had to do painstaking surveillance to discover, make his and Steve’s jobs as official caretakers that much harder. 

 

It also makes it a hell of a lot more fun.

 

Once Dr. Cho and her team of highly specialized staff give the okay for the twins to leave the medical wing, there is no question among the Avengers as to where the twins will stay. While they enjoy spending time with the other Avengers, mostly Natasha, Sam, and Pepper, they respond best to Steve and Bucky. The thought that he is someone’s first choice makes Bucky’s heart feel lighter than it has in decades.

 

Moving the twins from their hospital room to Steve and Bucky’s apartment garners quite a bit of attention from the tower occupants and staff. Although they came with nothing but the threadbare clothes they were wearing, the twins have slowly amassed a wide array of toys, blankets, clothing, and random trinkets that Bucky strongly suspects were courtesy of one Tony Stark, who although claimed, “I’m horrible with children, really, Barnes,” has found himself to be the biggest benefactor when it comes to giving the twins things they never knew they needed.

 

With a trail of Avengers, staff, and robots behind them, Steve leads Wanda by the hand out of the elevator and into their apartment. Bucky and Pietro follow, Pietro holding tight to Bucky’s metal arm and looking around with wide eyes and an even wider smile as he takes in the spacious entryway, which is filled with floor to ceiling windows and looks out over the city landscape.

 

“Wow,” the awe in his voice makes Steve smile widen as he leads the charge through the entryway, past their spacious kitchen and living room and down the hallway to the room that they have prepared for the twins.

 

Steve let’s go of Wanda’s hand and gently urges her forward. Bucky does the same with Pietro and waits for them to take it all in.

 

Last week, Steve had been busy painting the bedroom with a beautiful skyscape, one side of the room filled with bright yellow sunlight, bleeding into various colors and shades in the middle only to turn into darker shades of blue, purple, and then black, with a bright white moon on the opposite side and blinking stars all around it. The effect is stunning, and Bucky can’t help but be touched by Steve’s thoughtfulness of providing the twins with a feeling of being outside and not enclosed in another glass cell at the top of a tower.

 

“This is ours?” Wanda turns to where they are both standing in the doorway, her face a mixture of confusion and awe.

 

“Of course, драгоценный [little one],” Bucky reassures her, giving her a big smile and nodding to the bunk beds. “You better choose a bed quick before your brother does.”

 

Pietro, who is still marvelling at the large windows, gleefully observing the hustle and bustle of the city, misses the exchange and, before he has time to react, Wanda has flown onto the top bunk, red tendrils fading once she’s landed, and exclaimed, “This one’s mine!”

 

Pouting, Pietro runs over to the bottom bed and plonks down face first on the pillows, “No fair, I wanted the top,” his voice muffled from the many voluminous pillows under him. 

 

Steve laughs and Bucky can’t help but follow suit.

 

“Uh, guys? Can we bring the stuff in now?” Clint is waiting patiently outside of the twins’ room and Bucky moves aside to let him and the rest of the crew in. 

 

They follow the twins’ directions, Peter placing the large stuffed panda he had gotten Wanda into one corner of the room while Clint carries the large stuffed dog for Pietro to sit right beside it. Natasha and Sam come in and place their many books onto the empty shelves that Bucky had been sure to put up. Hope, Pepper, and Scott follow with armfuls of clothes that somehow Bucky hadn’t seen before. He gives them a questioning look and Pepper just raises her eyebrows back at him, “Did you think we would let them leave the hospital with only a few new things?”

 

Steve, ever the guilt-ridden punk raised by a devout Irish Catholic mother, begins to protest, “Pepper, we could have taken care of it.”

 

“Well, I did for you.” 

 

Natasha smiles at Pepper, and Sam just shakes his head as if asking why Steve even bothers trying.

 

Tony and Bruch are the last to enter the room, followed by a horde of robots. “All right, kiddos. Tell Uncle Tony which robot you want.” He gestures grandly at the four robots that are now lined up in front of the doorway. 

 

Wanda’s eyes get even bigger as she peeks over the railing of the top bunk and looks down at the robots.

 

“What do they do?” Pietro asks suspiciously, looking from Tony to the robots like he isn’t quite sure what to make of the whole situation.

 

“Well, they’ll clean your room for you, of course!”

 

“Tony, I don’t think-”

 

“Oh, hush, Steve-o. Let the kids have a little fun.”  Tony winks; Steve’s expression remains unapproving but resigned.

 

Wanda comes down from the bed, this time using the ladder instead of her powers. She approaches the robots thoughtfully, looking them over one by one as a drill instructor would their troops. 

 

“This one,” she points at an odd looking robot that has four wheels set atop a wide base and only one arm. The other robots are an assortment of trinkets that Tony has no doubt been tinkering with for years, but Bucky is surprised that she wants that one.

 

“You agree with our little scarlet witch, Flash?” Tony asks Pietro. Pietro shrugs, not getting the reference to his super speed powers and seemingly uncaring as to which robot they are gifted with, and returns to arranging the multiple pillows, blankets, and stuffed animals on his bed in a very specific order that only he is privy to.

 

“Okay then. This is Dum-E,” he gestures grandly to the odd-looking robot, which Wanda is now hugging firmly as if they are long lost friends.

 

“Really, Tony?” 

 

The tired-parent tone of Steve’s exasperation has Bucky biting back a smile. The twins have only been in their apartment for less than thirty minutes and he can’t wait to hear Steve’s righteous Captain America tone used on the other Avengers, who will undoubtedly shower the twins with unnecessary amounts of gifts and regale them with tales of their many adventures.

 

“Yes, really,” Tony turns back to the room, still filled with Avengers and robots and staff, to continue his interrupted introduction of his mechanical invention.

 

All of the excitement from moving, however, has made the twins tired: Pietro yawns widely, followed quickly by Wanda.

 

“All right, alla youse need to leave. Now,” ushering everyone out of the room, down the hall, and back into the elevator. He pauses to watch Steve begin to coax the twins into taking a nap.

 

“Have fun!” Natasha calls out as the elevator doors begin to close. Bucky waves at her in a friendly goodbye of his middle finger before turning back toward the kids’ room.

 

He finds them both on the bottom bunk, Wanda squished up between Pietro and the wall, his many stuffed animals flanking them on all sides. Steve is sitting next to the bed on the floor, talking to them in a soft voice as Bucky flips off the lights. The sun shade extends down from the ceiling as the twins’ eyes begin to droop.

 

“...p-promise we’ll...have pizza,” Pietro manages through a big yawn, making Steve’s eyes crinkle with warm affection. 

 

“Yeah, buddy, we can have pizza later.” 

 

His voice is so soft and warm that it makes something in Bucky ache, makes him wonder if this is what Steve would have been like with his own kids all of those decades ago. Kind and warm and so filled with love that they would never have had any room to doubt how much their father loves them.

 

“And ice cream,” Wanda adds, her eyes already closed as she snuggles closer to her brother. 

 

“Of course, sweetie. Whatever you want.” Steve gently pushes her long red hair off of her face before leaning in to give them each a soft kiss on the forehead. 

 

Bucky knows that, even though so much has changed since their time in Brooklyn, since that life that they could have had, that here, now, he’s grateful that he gets to witness the almost graceful way that Steve loves the twins. As if there was never any question that this is exactly where they would end up once they rescued them from that horrid place.

 

Quietly, Steve and Bucky watch the twins as they finally fall asleep, their breaths evening out and their faces lax. Dum-E has taken residence in the corner of the room and seems to be sleeping too, its lone arm hanging down and its lights off.

 

The minutes tick by and Bucky stares at Steve as he stares at the twins, his back resting against the wall. Steve’s phone beeps, no doubt an update from Fury, and Bucky watches the minute way his face shifts back into the leader of the Avengers, Captain America where only moments before he had been Steve Rogers.

 

“You’re really great with them, you know?” he asks as Steve walks toward him on light feet. The answering blush on Steve’s cheeks makes Bucky smile. 

 

Softly, they close the door but leave it open just a crack so that the twins won’t feel trapped and alone. They stand in the hallway as if unsure what to do next. Steve’s phone beeps again and he looks down at it, opening the message and furrowing his brow. It must not be important because he simply turns the volume off and places it back in his pocket.

 

“It feels strange, doesn’t it?” Bucky breaks the silence, shifting his weight slightly so that he is right next to Steve, their arms touching and their hands slightly brushing against each other. The feeling sends electricity racing up Bucky’s arm and down his spine.

 

“What does?” Steve asks, his fingers absently rubbing against Bucky’s as he smiles that soft, eye-crinkling, heart-warming smile back at him.

 

“How right it feels to have them here?” Bucky’s voice is whisper soft, filled with all of the excitement and wonder of all that has happened in the past few months.

 

“Yeah,” Steve agrees, this time intentionally grabbing Bucky’s hand and intertwining their fingers, “it does.” Bucky can’t quite read the look on his friend’s face but he knows that, with this confession, they’re both in it till the end of the line.

 

They turn back toward the door for a few more minutes listening to the even sounds of the twins sleeping before Bucky tugs at Steve’s arm, pulling him down the hallway and into the kitchen, “How about instead of ordering pizza, we surprise the kids and make some? I seem to remember you lovin’ my ma’s recipe.” 

 

“That’s a great idea, Buck.” 

 

Bucky smiles again, squeezing Steve’s hand before letting go and moving toward the pantry to collect the ingredients. He hears Steve move to the sink and start to clean the dishes they hadn’t gotten to earlier.

 

*

 

A scream rips through the quiet stillness of the night, and Bucky is on his feet before the piercing sound is replaced with quiet sobs. Grabbing a shirt from the floor near his bed, he moves into the hallway and toward the kids’ bedroom. The door is already open and he can hear Steve talking to Pietro, trying to soothe him after another nightmare. 

 

Bucky stops just inside the doorway, looking in on the scene before him: Steve in his night shirt and boxers, his hair mussed from sleep and his eyes tired yet radiating kindness and warmth. Pietro is clinging to him, his thin limbs wrapped around Steve’s torso. Wanda is right next to them, Steve’s left arm around her shoulders to draw her close while his right arm holds up her brother. 

 

Every night since twins had moved into their apartment two weeks ago has gone something like this. Steve looks up at Bucky as he remains planted in the doorway, hesitant to come in and intrude on the moment. The sad, knowing look in Steve’s eyes is enough to melt away the fears that hold Buckky back. 

 

Careful to make some noise as he enters the room, he knocks lightly on the door frame so that he doesn’t frighten the twins. They had learned the hard way their first night that sudden movements and appearances, which the two super soldiers are very capable of, are unwelcome and would set off the twins’ emotions and, ultimately, their powers. 

 

“See, Pietro, Bucky’s here, too. You’re okay, nothing bad will happen to you here.” 

 

Pietro sniffles into Steve’s neck before turning to look up at Bucky, who slowly sits beside them. Gently, Bucky reaches out his right hand to soothingly rub up and down Pietro’s back. Pietro looks up at him, with such open trust and longing for comfort that Bucky can’t help but reach out with his other hand - the metal one - and gently wipe away the stray tear on his soft cheek. 

 

“It’s okay to be afraid. I was afraid for a long time, too,” he keeps his voice light and soft, a confession in the darkness. Pietro’s wide eyes bore into him, soaking up every word, and Bucky swallows before continuing, “I was afraid that it was all a dream, that I’d wake up and all of this - the Avengers, being with Steve - would be gone. But you know how I remembered? How I got through it?” Now both Pietro and Wanda are staring at him, their small arms around each other and their big, beautiful, soulful eyes gazing up at Bucky as if they are sailors adrift at sea and he is their guiding North Star. The weight of that trust settles into Bucky’s gut and anchors him, “I remind myself that I’m not smart enough to make all of this up.”

 

Steve chuckles and the twins respond, looking at first Steve and then Bucky to gauge their expressions before small smiles grace their lips and some of the tension eases from their tiny shoulders. Bucky reaches out to lightly pinch those smiling cheeks and brushes through both of their hair, “Now, I know that you both are smarter than me and Steve combined-”

 

“Hey! Ya jerk,” Steve interjects indignantly. 

 

Bucky just smiles and continues on, “But, when you’re scared, I want you to think really hard about what happened before you fell asleep. Think about Steve telling you a story, of us brushing our teeth and having dinner. Of watching a movie and playing games with Natasha and Pepper. Remember everything that we’ve done together. Remember that you’re not alone, not anymore,” he stutters on the last word, remembering just how alone he had felt. “You’ll never be alone, not if Steve and I can help it.”

 

Pietro is the first to move, always lightning quick and electrifying as, in the blink of an eye, he is in Bucky’s arms, holding onto him as if his life depends on it. Wanda is next, clambering over their piles of blankets and stuffed animals to wrap her arms around Bucky’s neck, on top of her brother, so that they are all huddled together. Steve comes up behind Bucky and wraps his long, strong arms around them all, his left embracing Bucky while the right encircles the twins.

 

Resting his head on top of Pietro’s light, bright hair, he breathes them in, soaks in the feeling of being in this moment, so far away from that cold, metal chair, from that Wakandan valley, and from that tiny, rickety apartment in Brooklyn. Steve’s face is tucked into his shoulder, his lips brushing against Wanda’s bright red hair before his just rests his chin on Bucky. His beard tickles but Bucky relishes the reminder. 

 

Later, after the twins have fallen asleep and Steve and Bucky have returned to their own bedrooms, Bucky dreams.

 

Steve’s shoulders are hunched, his thin frame fighting off the wind but his soul fighting off something far more cruel, more biting. The death of Sarah Rogers had been a shock to their world. One day she had come home from work coughing and only feeling a bit under the weather, and what seemed like the next she was in the hospital, her cough worsening by the second and her skin pale. Bucky didn’t know what to do, he just knew that he needed to be there. So he was, no matter how many times Steve tried to push him away or tell him he didn’t need anyone or anything, Bucky was there.

 

“I can get by on my own,” the punk had said.

 

“The thing is, you don’t have to.”

 

*

 

“Dum-Eeeeeeeeeeeeeee!” Bucky can hear Wanda’s squeal from the kitchen where he is preparing dinner and Steve is reading the newspaper.

 

The noise is nothing alarming, but they both react instinctively at the high-pitch, glancing down the hall and then at each other. Steve raises one eyebrow and Bucky squints in concentration, listening for any signs that the twins require their attention.

 

A white streak zips into the kitchen, whirring around the giant island and causing Steve’s newspaper to rustle. 

 

“Pietro,” Steve says with his serious voice, the one that reminds Bucky so much of his own father whenever he or his little sister Becca would act out. 

 

Bucky tracks the white streak, wiping his hands calmly on his apron before reaching out and grasping onto Pietro’s shoulder, stopping him mid-run.

 

“Bucky!” he whines, his feet dangling in the air as Bucky holds him out at arm’s length.

 

Bucky only looks at him, his eyebrows undoubtedly raised to mirror Steve’s very serious expression. “What did we say about running like that in the apartment?”

 

The boy huffs, shoulders sagging as his gaze drops from Bucky to the floor, “Not to.” 

 

“Running that fast is dangerous, especially in the kitchen when Bucky’s cooking,” Steve admonishes from his chair, newspaper tilted down and his eyes looking sternly over at him. 

 

Pietro nods in understanding and Bucky releases his grip on his shoulder.

 

“We just want you to be safe, Pietro,” he says softly, bending down so that they’re at the same eye level. He reaches out, fixing Pietro’s shirt.

 

Pietro nods with a small sniffle, his tiny hand reaching up to rub at his eyes. The sight makes Bucky’s heart ache and he reaches out instinctively, drawing the young boy into his chest and giving him a reassuring hug. It speaks volumes to the trust that they have built over the past month when Pietro allows it.

 

“It’s all right,” Bucky soothes, metal hand rubbing up and down his back and knowing, just knowing, that Pietro is thinking back to all of those times when Hydra had punished him for using his powers without permission. Pietro clings to Bucky tighter and his chest aches.

 

Just as Steve is getting up to come join them, Jarvis comes on over the apartment intercom, “Captain Rogers, Mr. Barnes, you’re needed immediately in the hangar bay. There’s an emergency situation in-”

 

Bucky curses and Steve just looks at him, not even needing to say, “Language,” out loud as he eyes Pietro, who is an intellectual sponge with the English language and takes to repeating everything he hears.

 

Pietro’s arms tighten and his sniffles resume, his body shaking as he hugs Bucky more tightly. Bucky stands up, making sure he has a hold on Pietro while the boy wraps his legs firmly around Bucky’s waist.

 

“Steve!” Wanda’s shrill cry from the hallway has Steve running. Pietro doesn’t even look up at his sister’s cry, he just clings to Bucky. 

 

“You’re like an octopus kid,” he attempts to joke, sure to keep his voice gentle and calm. Pietro doesn’t laugh, and Bucky’s heart clenches at how serious the thought of Steve and Bucky leaving must be.

 

“Steve, you can’t leave. You can’t! You p-p-promised,” Wanda wails. Bucky makes his way down the hallway, leaving the kitchen in the messy state from preparing lunch. They’ll get to it later - right now, they have much more pressing matters to tend to.

 

“Hey, hey, it’s okay, Wanda, sweetheart. It’s okay. Bucky and I are right here,” Steve is whispering to her, voice soft and reassuring.

 

Just like Pietro is clinging to Bucky, Wanda is holding tight to Steve. Her face is tucked into Steve’s neck, making her voice and her sobs muffled. 

 

“Captain Rogers. Mr. Barnes. You’re needed in the-,” Jarvis interjects again and this time it’s Steve that curses.

 

Pietro clenches his fists in Bucky’s shirt, his arms wrapping even tighter around his neck. 

 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Bucky says, looking over at Steve as he gently sets his left hand on the back of Pietro’s neck to center him.

 

Steve sighs, glancing down at Wanda as she shivers in his arms, then back at Bucky and Pietro, “Yeah, I think you’re right.” Bucky nods and Steve looks up at the ceiling, “Jarvis, please inform the team that Bucky and I are going to sit this one out.”

 

Jarvis doesn’t respond, so Bucky assumes that the AI is indeed informing the rest of the Avengers that, for once, Captain America and his sidekick will be sitting out a mission.

 

They wait for a minute, maybe two, before Steve’s phone starts to ring. He reaches down and pulls the device from his pocket, hitting answer and putting the call on speaker.

 

“Tony-”

 

“What’s this about you not coming, Rogers?”

 

“There’s a bit of a situation with the twins. We can’t come. I’m really sorry, Tony,” the sincerity rings true in Steve’s voice.

 

“Okay, Cap, if you say so,” Tony sounds doubtful but accepting. 

 

“Let’s go, Stark!” They hear Natasha yell at him, and Tony disconnects the call.

 

Steve returns his phone to his pocket, standing up with Wanda in his arms. “What do you guys say we watch a movie and have some lunch?”

 

“B-baymax?” Pietro asks, his voice wavering, which means his tears are still right under the surface.

 

“I like Fred!” Wanda chimes in, now squirming excitedly in Steve’s arms at the thought of watching one of their favorite movies: Big Hero 6. 

 

“Fred is very funny, isn’t he?” Steve asks, looking down at Wanda with such a soft expression on his face that Bucky can’t look away. Steve’s face is filled with such tenderness, such caring devotion and love, that it almost takes Bucky’s breath away.

 

“He wears his underwear weird,” Pietro squishes his nose up in distaste, fingers still clenched in Bucky’s shirt although his voice is now steady.

 

“Yes, he’s very silly, just like tha two a-youse,” Bucky agrees, letting his accent thicken and gently tickling Pietro’s sides, causing Wanda and Pietro to both giggle. Bucky feels his smile widen. 

 

Steve looks over at him, that same expression on his face unwavering as they stare at each other across the room for a few seconds before Wanda demands to see Honey with her bright, colorful bombs.

 

“Okay, okay, let’s go,” Steve concedes and leads the way. Dum-E is cleaning up slowly, Wanda’s emotional outburst having caused all of her toys to go flying around, again.

 

“What’s Wa-sa-bi mean again?”

 

The questions and chatter keep the twins entertained as they all four settle into the living room and get the movie set up. Wanda’s favorite blanket, accompanied by her favorite stuffed koala bear, come floating into the room and she reaches out for them, tugging them both close to her chest as she settles into the couch cushions so that she’s snuggled up to Pietro and Steve. Bucky glances back at the kitchen, at the forgotten veggies he was going to steam, but figures that he can just ask Jarvis to send them a salad or some smoothies for lunch instead. 

 

Once he joins them on the couch, Pietro climbs into Bucky’s lap and Bucky moves closer to Wanda and Steve. Steve smiles over at him, brushing back Wanda’s hair tenderly before moving his arm to rest behind Bucky’s shoulders on the back of the couch, closing in the little circle they make. Bucky returns the smiles, resettling himself down in the cushions so that his head can rest comfortably on Steve’s arm.

 

The music starts and the twins quiet down, eyes big and already captivated by the opening credits.

 

Bucky can’t help but think that this moment, with him and the twins and Steve in the dark living room with the faint light from the movie on and the excited little giggles coming from Wanda, matched by the gleeful way Pietro clutches onto Bucky’s arm that’s wrapped around his waist, eases the itch to go on missions he usually feels and that, in itself, makes all the difference.

 

*

 

“What’s on your mind today, Bucky?”

 

Bucky stares down at his hands, clasped in front of him, and tries to speak up but the first few minutes are always the hardest, no matter how much time has passed. Thankfully, Dr. Cho knows this and waits patiently for him to respond. 

 

“I think,” he stops, licking his lips and unsure how to continue because this isn’t something he’s really thought he would ever consider. Not something he would be  _ able _ to consider. He had done a lot of research about trauma, about the way that the body becomes conditioned to stressful situations, the way PTSD keeps you anticipating each and every moment so that you can never truly escape your past. But now, with the kids, with the way Steve looks at them, when he’s with them, Bucky hasn’t been able to get the thought ouf of his head.

 

“I think, that I want to retire.” At his declaration, Bucky looks up and meets Dr. Cho’s gaze. There is no smile on her face, like he had been expecting, but, then again, Dr. Cho is meant to help Bucky with his emotions and not show her own.

 

“And why is that?” Her question is gentle, probing, not demanding but curious.

 

“Steve and I can’t leave the twins. Wanda and Pietro, they need us.” The fact that he needs them, all of three of them, is left unspoken.

 

“Mm,” is all she says, jotting down something in her notes. Bucky catches the barest hint of a smile on the corner of her mouth but it disappears as soon as she looks back up at him. “And how does that make you feel? The idea of retiring?”

 

At this Bucky relaxes, his whole body melting into the armchair he always sits in. He feels as if a heavy weight has been lifted from his shoulders as he responds, “Relieved.”

 

“And have you discussed this with Director Fury?”

 

Bucky shakes his head.

 

Dr. Cho looks knowingly at him, pausing briefly while straightening her notes before looking at him head on, “What does Steve think?”

 

The thing about Dr. Cho is that she’s always two steps ahead, always anticipating exactly what Bucky isn’t telling her and all but prompting him to do exactly what he’s so hesitant to.

 

“I haven’t, uh, haven’t told him yet.”

 

“Hm.”

 

They stare at each other, playing a game of chicken for who will speak up first. Dr. Cho wins, as always.

 

“I think I should talk to him about it first, before I make any final decisions.”

 

Dr. Cho smiles, eyes bright and knowing, “That sounds like a great idea.”

 

A few days after Bucky’s conversation with Dr. Cho, Bucky still hasn’t found the right time to talk to Steve. Every time they’ve had a moment alone together, the kids preoccupied with playing or practicing their powers with one of the Avengers, the words have just died in Bucky’s throat. 

 

Before he even gets the chance, or really the courage, to talk to Steve, the decision is made for him.

 

Jarvis interrupts them one Thursday afternoon, his accented voice calling out over the intercom and alerting them to another mission that needs their attention. Thankfully, Wanda and Pietro are out on the balcony, coloring and laughing with Peter and Shuri, who have both taken an instant liking to the twins and love to pop in unannounced. Wanda and Pietro were shy at first but quickly become enamored with the two teens, particularly with Shuri’s multiple gadgets and Peter’s spidey powers.

 

When Bucky looks away from the balcony, he finds that Steve is watching him, his gaze considering. This is it, the moment to tell his best friend everything he shared with Dr. Cho, everything he’s been thinking since the Wanda and Pietro moved into their apartment and wormed their way into Bucky’s heart. Still facing Steve, he sets down the spatula, taking in a breath, but before he even has a chance to say anything, Steve’s strong, determined voice carries throughout the spacious kitchen, “Sorry, Jarvis. Tell the team that we’re retired.”

 

“Yes, Captain,” the AI responds, leaving only accompaniment by Wanda and Pietro’s excited giggles in the background. 

 

“We’re gonna do the right thing by them, Buck. And that means no one gets left behind,” the conviction in Steve’s voice elicits memories that Bucky would rather not think of - of Bucky having to leave Steve behind when he finally got his orders from the army; when Steve had reached out to him on that train and Bucky had tried so desperately to reach for him but ended up falling, falling, falling.

 

Bucky closes his eyes, allowing the memories to pass through him, not resisting them but not letting them draw him down into their darkness either. When he glances up, Steve is in front of him, his hand reaching out slowly until his palm is gently pressing against Bucky’s cheek, his thumb wiping away a tear that he hadn’t even noticed.

 

“We’re in this together, ‘til the end of the line,” Steve whispers, his eyes earnest and his voice ringing with the promise.

 

“All four of us,” Bucky responds, his voice rough and gravelly from the sudden onslaught of emotions, hand coming up to rest over Steve’s as he smiles back. They stay like that for a minute, maybe two, before Steve retreats to his seat at the kitchen island and Bucky turns back to the stove, reigniting the flame and resuming his cooking.

 

His cheek is still warm from where Steve had cupped it. Bucky smiles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspiration for chapter title:
> 
> Tie your heart at night to mine, love,  
> and both will defeat the darkness  
> like twin drums beating in the forest  
> against the heavy wall of wet leaves.  
> -Pablo Neruda


	4. The Earth You Are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “And what does his happiness look like?”
> 
> Steve’s bright smile flashes before him, his conviction and honor and goodness shining through like a lighthouse calling him home.
> 
> “Home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as promised, the lovely amazing artwork of [koreanrage](https://koreanrage.tumblr.com/post/185468982300/and-my-other-collab-for-this-years-caprbb-fic)*wild applause*

Dr. Cho is smiling kindly at him; she always is. Her office is big and spacious, but not obnoxiously so like you see on those goddamn television shows these days. They’re in their usual positions: she sits in her light blue armchair and Bucky is shoved into the corner of the couch. Her eyes feel like they bore into his soul, but that doesn’t bother him like it used to.

 

“We’ve been talking a lot about the past, but I want us to start exploring the future.”

 

Bucky nods. Yes, he would like to think about that, too. Because, for once, he feels like he actually has one.

 

“Tell me, Bucky, if you could wake up tomorrow and everything in the world was just as it should be - what would that look like?”

 

Bucky blinks at her. Dr. Cho smiles serenely as if she hadn’t just asked the world’s strangest question. Doesn’t she know by now that in Bucky’s life - in Bucky’s world - nothing is as it should be?

 

His memories come forward like they were waiting for this very moment to show themselves, to breathe themselves back to life in Bucky’s moment of weakness, where he was open and waiting for something new, something healing to happen. Each image is a bombardment of wrong and more wrong and worse until it spirals into the disaster that is his existence. That spirals down and down until finally, he has gone deep enough that Brooklyn flashes bright in his mind’s eye and with it, the all too familiar pint-sized punk that is Steven Grant Rogers.

 

Bucky pulls off some thug who decided it would be a good idea to punch little Stevie in an alleyway. Bucky glares daggers at some dame who didn’t recognize that sometimes miracles come in small packages.

 

 _Steve_.

 

“I- ,” he pauses, not quite sure what prompted him to begin in the first place. The spiral is consuming, overwhelming. But not enough to drown out that last spark of hope, that fire that burns in Stevie’s eyes and burrows into Bucky’s soul until the darkness and wrongness is burned out, “I want him to be happy.”

 

Dr. Cho waits. She should have a fucking medal in waiting for as often as she does it. Just sitting there waiting for Bucky to bear his soul to her.

 

“And what does his happiness look like?”

 

Steve’s bright smile flashes before him, his conviction and honor and goodness shining through like a lighthouse calling him home.

 

“Home.”

 

*

 

The apartment is uncharacteristically quiet when Bucky returns home from his session with Dr. Cho. It’s odd how the quiet apartment feels strange to him when less than two months ago he and Steve lived in relative silence. Compared to the noise of 1930’s Brooklyn and the fruitful life teeming in Wakanda, the Avengers Tower has always been too quiet for Bucky, but the twins had changed that: breathing life back into their home, into their lives.

 

“Steve?” Bucky calls out, glancing into the living room as he takes off his shoes. When there’s no answer, Bucky changes tactic, calling out “Wanda? Pietro?”

 

The apartment remains silent. Usually the kids are so excited when either he or Steve return from an outing that they rush to greet them at the door, chattering to them excitedly about their day.

 

Bucky pauses, his instincts going on alert even though he knows, logically, that Steve and the twins are safe in their apartment - in Avengers Tower. Jarvis surely would have alerted him on his elevator ride up if there was anything amiss.

 

Even knowing all this does nothing to quell his body’s ingrained response to the stress of not knowing.

 

Taking deep breaths, he quickly but quietly pads down the hallway, checking Steve’s room first only to find it empty. Steve’s bed is neatly made, the habit ingrained long ago by first his mother and then the army. The sight is only somewhat comforting. He quickly glances around the room, his own training to assess every situation for possible threats kicking in, but nothing is amiss.

 

He tries to recall if Steve had mentioned that he would be taking Wanda and Pietro out today but nothing comes to mind and his panic continues to simmer, bubbling dangerously close to the surface of his control.

 

Quickening his last few strides to the kids’ room, Bucky bursts through the closed door, not sure what he will find - the room in complete disarray from obvious signs of a struggle, Dum-E tipped over and wires connecting Jarvis to the room torn, the window blown open in a gaping hole that -

 

Bucky stops the train of thought, closing his eyes and taking in deep, measured breaths. He grounds himself, focusing one moment at a time on the floor beneath his feet, the door handle in his palm. This technique was an essential part of his work with Dr. Cho to curb the panic and remain in the moment instead of getting swallowed up by memories. After several deep, centering breaths, Bucky calmly opens his eyes and looks into the room. It’s completely normal, no toys or other items out of place. They aren’t here either.

 

His chest constricts as the tendrils of panic he had been holding at bay wrap themselves around his heart and lungs. He recognizes the signs enough by now to know that he is spiraling into a fully-fledged panic-attack.

 

Bucky turns sharply on his heel, leaving the door ajar as he walks back down the hallway, retracing his steps towards Steve’s bedroom and passing it to stand in front of his own, the door closed just as he had left it. The sight, however, is not a comfort like it usually is. His nerves frayed, Bucky grasps the door handle, expecting his panic to kick into full gear when he opens the door and finds it empty - for what reason would Steve and the twins have to be in his room? The door opens and Bucky peers inside and his chest eases, all panic rushing out of him in a long, deep exhale.

 

Steve, Wanda, and Pietro are all curled up on Bucky’s bed. Steve, with his disheveled hair and in-need of a trim beard, is lying in the center of the bed, Wanda and Pietro both cuddled up on his wide chest with a muscled arm wrapped securely around each of them. Pietro’s head is burrowed into Steve’s neck, his silver hair shining in the afternoon sunlight. Wanda is on Steve’s left side, her arm wrapped loosely around Steve’s neck and her long, vibrant hair fanned out around them. Steve looks tired. His face is tilted down as if the last thing he did was press a kiss to Wanda’s hair.

###### 

 

Bucky remains in the doorway, not sure what to make of the situation. Why are the three sleeping in Bucky’s room? For all the time that Steve and Bucky had spent with the kids in their own room, each taking turns to stay the night on the floor between them, they had never needed to have the twins sleep in their bedrooms. As long as the twins had each other, they seemed content.

 

It’s moments like these when Bucky wishes he had Steve’s talent for capturing real life and making it into art with a beautiful drawing. The sight before him is something he never wants to forget, even if he doesn’t fully understand why it happened. Instead, Bucky reaches into his pocket, pulling out his phone and opening up the camera app. Carefully, he tilts the screen until he has the perfect angle and presses the side button to capture the image.

 

The small click from the phone wakes up Steve, whose eyes snap open and immediately hone in on Bucky. When he sees Bucky standing in the doorway, a tired but happy smile breaks across his face, and Bucky wishes he hadn’t already returned the phone to his pocket, because this image is just as breathtaking as the last.

 

“You’re back,” Steve says in a hushed voice, somehow managing to smile at him even while he yawns.

 

Bucky nods.

 

Steve glances down at the twins who are still sleeping soundly on his chest, lifting his hand on Pietro’s head to gently pet his hair as his other hand lightly strokes Wanda’s back.

 

“We were waiting for you,” Steve says conversationally, tone still quiet so as not to disturb them.

 

“I see that,” Bucky smiles back at Steve, and for a second he feels like they are the old Steve and Bucky back in Brooklyn, just talking to each other across the room in hushed voices while the world around them sleeps. He aches for the memory and relishes the feeling of it, cherishing every good memory he recovers. Unsurprisingly, they all seem to have Steve in them. “Is there a reason you’re in my room?”

 

Steve’s smile dims at Bucky’s question, his right hand resuming its motions of lightly stroking Pietro’s wispy silver hair as he looks down on the sleeping boy with a worried crease to his brow, “Pietro had a bad flashback.”

 

Bucky’s stomach drops.

 

“Wanda was able to calm him down some, but he kept crying out, asking for you - worried about where you were and why you weren’t back yet,” Steve speaks with an aching tiredness, not for the lack of sleep, but for the lack of peace and decency in the world that makes Bucky gaze back in time when he looks at Steve, see that small punk who never knew when to quit.

 

The juxtaposition of Steve then, small, alone, and angry with the world, is so different to the Steve now, with his larger than life presence - and body to match - who is wrapped up by four small arms and two beating hearts, who is still angry with the world but in a reproachful, righteous way that it makes Bucky itch to right all of the wrongs that have ever been done.

 

Instead, he settles for righting this one wrong, the one that he unwittingly caused.

 

The twins are still sleeping as he slides into bed next to Steve so that his front is flush with Steve’s side. He worms his left arm under the pillow Steve’s head shifting to rest on it as he gently reaches out his right to stroke Pietro’s soft cheek, then Wanda’s downy hair. He lets his arm settle around them both, encompassing the three most important things in his life with this one embrace, and he feels them all settle at the same time. Pietro and Wanda’s bodies slowly release tension until they are limp on Steve’s broad chest. Steve’s own body relaxes, his head turning until he and Bucky are resting their foreheads together, silently staring and breathing each other in.

 

“It’s okay,” Bucky says, his right arm coming up to rest on Steve’s bearded cheek, his thumb stroking delicately along the smooth line where his cheekbone meets his beard, “I’m here now.”

 

Steve smiles that soft smile and he shifts slightly, his eyes closing and, for the briefest moment, their noses brush together. Bucky’s heart sings with warm affection and he continues to stroke his thumb on Steve’s cheek as he watches him fall back asleep.

 

*

 

Time has always been fluid to Bucky. Like water slipping through the cracks of a broken vase: uncontrollable, inevitable. The twins only add to this conundrum, their laughter and tears making everything move all too fast until they fall asleep and time seems to slow everything down.

 

Bucky basks in every moment.

 

Contrary to public opinion, Steve has never been the responsible one between them, so it’s up to Bucky to set a routine and transform their apartment into a home. The other Avengers will never believe them, but that’s just the way it is.

 

“It’s time for bed,” Bucky’s announcement has the twins whining, even as they tiredly rub at their eyes and look forlornly at Steve. Their earnest faces are enough to make Steve begin to crack, but Bucky cuts him off before he can utter a word, “Now please.”

 

Wanda is the first to get up from the floor where the twins had been using the new legos Tony had gotten them to build some kind of dinosaur.

 

“Don’t forget to brush your teeth,” he makes sure to call after them, already hearing Pietro zipping around their bedroom as he changes into his pajamas at lightning speed.

 

“We’ll be right there to tuck you in,” Steve yells, but in that soft caring way that makes Bucky’s chest all warm and fuzzy.

 

“You’re such a softie,” he lightly punches Steve on the arm, smiling so that Steve knows he’s right there with him.

 

“It’s kinda hard not to be.” The earnestness in his voice is almost too much for Bucky, and he knows he should look away for fear of drowning in that burning blue gaze but he can’t bear to.

 

“I know,” he replies quietly, listening to the twins giggle as they instruct Dum-E to put away their clothes. “I don’t hear your teeth being brushed!”

 

Like a flash, Pietro is in the hallway and skidding to a stop in the bathroom, colliding with the wall as he slips on the tile.

 

“Pietro, please be careful,” Steve’s voice is layered with the resigned concern of a parent that asks their child the same question multiple times a day.

 

“Come on, let’s go supervise before they break something.”

 

After Steve and Bucky wrangle the twins into brushing their teeth and going potty, they finally settle in their beds. Bucky and Steve tuck them each in, taking turns so that Bucky starts with Pietro and ends with Wanda, and Steve starts with Wanda and ends with Pietro.

 

“All right, what story do we want tonight?” Steve’s voice is soft as they sit down, their shoulders touching as they both lean against the wall with their legs laid out in front of them.

 

The room is silent as the children think; they take story time very seriously. Bucky enjoys the silence and uses it to watch the soft smile that rests on Steve’s face in the dim light of the room. Stars dance on the ceiling in changing colors and Bucky can’t help but wonder at how lucky he is.

 

“Tell us what you were like before,” Wanda’s voice is hushed, barely a whisper.

 

“Before what, sweetheart?” Steve asks.

 

“Before you were Avengers.”

 

Steve blinks, caught a little off guard.

 

“Well, before Steve and I were like this,” Bucky begins, gesturing to Steve’s muscular body and then his own, lingering a little on his metal arm as it glints in the dim lighting, “we was just a coupla punks from Brooklyn.” He lets his voice drawl and his accent come out, the effect making first Wanda and then Pietro giggle. The sound is music to Bucky’s ears.

 

“Hey, now,” Steve whines, but Bucky just gives him a look and he shuts his mouth again, a small crinkle at the corner of his eye letting Bucky know that he’s amused.

 

“Stevie and I were best friends, ya see. His mama was like my mama, and my mama was like his. We were always running ‘round the neighborhood and gettin’ inta trouble.”

 

Bucky feels Steve settle next to him and he leans into his side. They haven’t talked about the past like this since...well Bucky doesn’t know when.

 

“This one time, Stevie and I was walkin’ down to tha park. It was the middle-a summer and we were both sweatin’ somethin’ awful.”

 

Steve laughs quietly, knocking their knees together, “You sure stank somethin’ awful.”

 

“Hush,” but Bucky laughs too, knocking his knee against Steve’s and then letting it rest there. “We was maybe, what, ten or eleven, Stevie?” Steve hums in agreement. “And we was itchin’ to get some fresh air. So we went a-walkin’, not even lookin’ for trouble, but don’t youse know it, trouble found us.” Steve groans quietly and Bucky smirks, “Trouble always came lookin’ for good ol’ Stevie.”

 

“Listen, you jerk-”

 

“Shut it, punk. I’m telling the kids a bedtime story.”

 

Steve rolls his eyes and let’s his head drop back against the wall. Bucky grabs his hand and holds it in his, enjoying the physical feeling of his hand wrapped around Steve’s, just like his memories have him wrapped all up in him.

 

“Anyway, we was walkin’ down the street and we pass a buncha older boys makin’ a ruckus. They was down an alley, ya see, and they was all huddled up in a circle and up to somethin’. Well, Stevie here is more curious than a damn cat an’ he takes off down the alley, all 10 pounds of him,” Steve jabs him in the side at the comment but Bucky just continues on, “and just barrels right on up.”

 

“Come on, Buck, I didn’t barrel -”

 

“Ya sure did, like a li’l spitfire, all riled up and rearin’ ta go.”

 

Steve smiles at him, the look nothing but indulgent, and Bucky winks, lacing their fingers together. The twins’ breathing is beginning to slow.

 

“So by the time I get there, a huffin’ and puffin’ - ‘cause Stevie may have been li’ler than me but he was real quick - and the older boys are pushin’ ‘im ‘round an’ beatin’ on him. I had to step in an’ get ‘em to back off, but boy was lil Stevie puttin’ up just as good a fight.”

 

The memory is as clear as day, which is rare for Bucky. He can see it all in his mind’s eye: small Steve with his too big white shirt all stained with sweat and dirt, those older boys all glaring down at him as they pushed him around. The sun beating down on them from above as the summer heat shimmers around them. Bucky remembers the glint in Steve’s eyes, the one he’s seen so many times. The Steve in his memory gazes right through the past and into Bucky’s soul.

 

“Wha’ happ’n’?” Pietro asks tiredly.

 

Bucky chuckles, looking over at Steve and just...looking at him.

 

“Well don’tcha know? Them older kids was pickin’ on a lil stray kitty and Stevie-boy here was not gonna have it, were ya pal?”

 

“That li’l thing could barely walk the way they had been kickin’ at it!” Steve says defensively, like Bucky’s actually making fun of him for it.

 

“Well, no we couldn’t have that,” Bucky agrees, meeting Steve’s fierce gaze with an all too knowing one. Steve cracks after a second and leans forward until his temple is resting on Bucky’s shoulder.

 

“What happened to the kitty?” Wanda chimes in, her voice less sleepy than Pietro’s but still coming out in a hushed whisper.

 

“Stevie saved the day, o’course. Like he always does.” Bucky expects a laugh or a chuckle from Steve, but he’s silent. Wanda and Pietro are both shaking their heads like they completely understand what Bucky’s said. Of course they do.

 

They all sit there for a minute, the story lingering in the air as the twins’ breathing begins to lengthen and they slowly fall asleep.

 

“We saved it together,” Steve says quietly.

 

And Bucky remembers: he remembers scolding the older kids who were picking on a helpless cat and then a little kid, remembers threatening to tell old miss Janie from down the block who knows everybody’s mamas and would be sure to give each of them a piece of her mind. He remembers crouching down next to Steve, who was on the ground holding the little kitty in his arms and wrapping his own around them both.

 

“Of course we did. I’m with ya ‘til the end of the line, pal.”

 

The memory reminds him so much of Steve with the twins, of that day at the Hydra base. Of the countless nights that they’ve slept wrapped in each other's arms in a desperate attempt to ease the twins’ fears that they’re back in that cold, sterile room, all alone save for each other.

 

“‘til tha...en’ o’ tha line…” Wanda mumbles, her voice trailing off as sleep finally settles over her. Pietro is snoring lightly.

 

Bucky tightens his grip on Steve’s hand and moves so his cheek is resting on the top of Steve’s downy, golden hair. “Time’s funny like that, ya know?” he whispers.

 

Steve returns his grip with his own tightening of their interlaced fingers and breathes back, “Yes.”

 

*

 

“Have you enrolled them in school, yet?”

 

Bucky blinks, the pause causing Natasha to blindside him with a kick to his knees, effectively knocking him flat on his back, landing with a soft whoosh on the padded floor of the training room.

 

“School?” he asks, somewhat breathless as he moves to sit up.

 

“Yeah. It’s a place where kids learn.”

 

Bucky grunts. If there’s anyone in the tower that didn’t have a traditional school education, it is most definitely Natalia Romanova.

 

“Uh…”

 

“I didn’t think so.” Natasha is smirking at him and Bucky can’t believe that they are having this conversation.

 

“We just mastered bed time and now you want me to send them to school? Where would I even send them?”

 

Peter flips down from one of the ceiling rafters, landing expertly next to them.

 

“You should be a gymnast, kid,” Natasha says, her smile wicked but her eyes warm.

 

Peter smiles at her before turning to Bucky, “I know this great school, Mr. Barnes, sir.”

 

“Kid-”

 

“I know, I’m sorry. Bucky-sir. Uh…” his eyes grow wide as he begins to panic. Bucky shakes his head.

 

“Peter, you literally babysit my kids every week, why are you still calling me sir?”

 

“ _Your_ kids?”

 

Steve’s voice comes unexpectedly from behind him, he was supposed to be out on an intel mission for Nick, but what really catches Bucky off guard is-

 

“Yeah, my kids.” _Yeah_ . He thinks. _My. Kids_.

 

 _Huh_.

 

Steve laughs at the seriousness of Bucky’s declaration, “I think I get to claim them, too. I have been doing half the work.”

 

Bucky stares at Steve, and Steve stares right back.

 

“Fine. Our kids.” He nods like this isn’t the biggest declaration he’s made in his entire life.

 

“Ours.” Steve’s smile mirrors his own and he can’t help but let out a giddy laugh.

 

“Well, shit.”

 

“Uh, what just happened?” Peter asks, looking between Bucky and Steve and then over at Natasha.

 

“Leave them alone, they’re having a moment,” Shuri yells from across the room where she’s helping Mantis try out some new tech.

 

“I’ll say,” Natasha adds in that knowing way she has.

 

Bucky breaks eye contact with Steve, not feeling flustered but sure feeling...something.

 

“What were you saying about schools, Peter?”

 

Bucky doesn't know how Steve’s voice can be so calm, so normal after such a revelation. But then again the punk has always amazed him.

 

“Oh! Xavier’s school for gifted children - or something like that. I think it’s in-”

 

“No.” Tony Stark enters and, of course, instantly has an opinion.

 

Rolling his eyes, Bucky starts to object, “Tony, you can’t just-”

 

“The twins,” Tony looks at him with such sternness that Bucky, for once, decides to shut up instead of argue. “Do not need to be sent off to boarding school. They need to stay here, stay _home_.”

 

“Tony,” Steve starts, in that soft, caring way that he’s so good at.

 

Tony waves him off with a flip of his hand. “We’ll start a school here, of course. I’ve been meaning to do it anyway. Get all those gifted kiddos in need of a real education all together in one place. I’m thinking of calling it ‘Tony’s Tots.’” His arms wave in front of him like he can picture the sign now.

 

“Sir, I believe Miss Potts already overruled you on that name,” Jarvis chimes in from above and Bucky bursts out laughing.

 

*

 

Sam and Steve are sitting on the balcony, a deck of cards on the table before them as they play some new version of Spades. Bucky enjoys hearing Steve laugh and knowing that he’s found a genuine friend in this century. Steve was always a loner when they were growing up, so it makes Bucky’s happy to see when other people finally recognize just how special Steven Grant Rogers is.

 

After his conversation with Dr. Cho and now Natasha, Bucky decides that he’s actually going to plan - _hope_ \- for the future. When Bucky emailed Dr. Cho about the twins going to school, she had replied that Tony already spoke with her about it and they’re arranging on having the proper teachers and support staff for both Wanda and Pietro, not to mention a few other enhanced children that Pepper and Happy have been identifying with the help of Fury.

 

The thought that Tony and so many others on the Avengers team care so much about the twins, reminds him that they truly are a family.

 

He stares down at his notebook, the one he started after Steve had reminded him of who he truly was: Bucky and not the Winter Soldier, the Asset. He stares at it, at the blank page of endless possibilities and carefully writes “the future” at the top of the page, underlining it so that it stands out. Then, just as carefully, he begins to write a list of all of the things he hopes for, that he would like to do. With Steve, with the twins, with the life he’s built himself.

 

It’s hard, almost, to be so honest with himself, to have the thoughts that have been rolling around in his head be written down, the dark ink staring back at him from the white paper.

 

He wants to show the twins the world, take them to see the rolling hills and mountains of Wakanda, the roaring waterfalls. He wants them to see where he and Steve grew up, walk down the streets of Brooklyn, explore the vast trails of Central Park. He wants them to learn how to fully control their powers, to understand that no one can tell them what to do with them. He yearns to see them grow up, smiles bright and eyes hopeful as they think about their futures. And, as always, he aches to do every single thing with Steve at his side.

 

Soft giggles break through his musings and Bucky turns toward the kitchen. The giggles stop, as if the twins are aware that Bucky is watching, only to start up a second later along with the familiar whir of Dum-E.

 

Smiling to himself at whatever mischief Wanda and Pietro are up to, Bucky quietly gets up from his place on the living room couch, setting his notebook down and moving with all of the stealth that years in the army and as the Winter Soldier taught him. Coming into the kitchen, he spies the twins, Dum-E at their side, eagerly watching as the cookie jar floats in mid-air, halfway between the counter and where the three eagerly await.

###### 

 

Wanda’s red light carries the cookie jar closer to them and Pietro’s small, determined face makes Bucky’s chest warm with delight. The fact that the twins feel safe enough to disobey him and Steve, to pull something like this without the fear of being punished, makes him happier than he can begin to describe.

 

It takes only a few moments for the cookie jar to land in Wanda’s outstretched hands, grasping it out of the air and turning to her brother. They both giggle, unable to keep their excitement inside, and Dum-E whirs next to them as if it too is in on the fun.

 

“I thought we said no cookies until after dinner?”

 

The twins gasp at Bucky’s question, turning to face him as he leans against the kitchen sink, casual as can be.

 

Bucky winks at them and nods at the jar, “Why don’t we each have one, and then go share with Steve and Sam?”

 

Grinning, Wanda and Pietro nod and hurry to open the jar, drawing out the chocolate chunk cookies they had made earlier that week. Wanda comes over, offering the jar to Bucky and he reaches in, taking out his own cookie before bending down and giving her a brief kiss on the forehead.

 

“Thank you, милая девушка”

 

Wanda smiles widely at him before turning to Pietro and running toward the balcony, where Sam and Steve are still playing their game. Bucky follows, giving Dum-E a brief pat on the arm before joining them in the afternoon sun.

 

Sam is ruffling Pietro’s hair, pulling in him for a quick hug as he takes his own cookie from the jar while Steve is smiling knowingly at Wanda. She gestures to Bucky, no doubt telling Steve that he told them it was okay, and Steve gives her a warm, eye-crinkling smile as he takes taking a cookie from the jar.

 

“I didn’t know you could bake, Barnes,” Sam teases through a mouthful of cookie.

 

“I helped, too,” Pietro chimes in, clambering onto Sam’s lap and picking up cards at random. The new Captain America looks down at the small boy with such kind affection that Bucky is glad to see that the mantle was indeed passed to the right person.

 

“Well, of course you did, little man.”

 

“I put them on the sheet!” Wanda boasts, having made herself comfortable on Steve’s lap.

 

“Yes, you did,” Steve gives her a light kiss on the cheek before gently tickling her sides. Her peels of laughter carry through the air and Bucky is pleased to see the open, carefree way the twins eat their cookies and essentially take over Sam and Steve’s card game.

 

Bucky joins them on the balcony, taking the cookie jar from Pietro before he can sneak another one, and placing it under his chair. Sam begins to explain what the different shapes, colors, and numbers on the cards mean to Pietro, whose face is set in a serious line of concentration. Wanda is playing with Steve’s beard, brushing her fingers through it and laughing happily when Steve pretends to bite her fingers.

 

Later that night, after the twins have brushed their teeth and Bucky has humored them with another story, this time about when Steve thought it would be a good idea to eat ice cream on a too-hot summer day where it melted the instant they left the store, Bucky comes back to the living room, picking up the odd toys and things from the day: evidence that their apartment is lived in and loved in.

 

He finds Steve in the living room with only a lamp on as he peers down at his lap. Bucky’s notebook sits next to him on the end table where he had left it earlier and he feels his palm sweat, wiping it nervously on his pajama pants.

 

“So, I was thinking…,” Steve starts, watching Bucky the whole time as he sets down his many treasures and joins him on the couch.

 

 

He doesn’t finish, and so Bucky prompts, “Yes?”

 

Steve stares at him, gaze thoughtful. Whatever he sees on Bucky’s face must be answer enough because he shifts closer, moving toward Bucky until they are sitting knee to knee on the couch, barely a foot between them.

 

“Yeah. I was thinking that it would be real nice to,” Steve licks his lips, looking down at Bucky’s own briefly before glancing back up, those blue eyes searing, searching. “It would be nice to move in together. For real.”

 

“For real?” Bucky echoes, his throat suddenly dry and his heart pounding in his chest.

 

Steve nods, and they sit there staring at each other in the darkened room as the minutes pass.

 

“And this is different than how we are currently living together...how?” Bucky tries to make the question light, teasing, but the warmth of Steve’s body is distracting and he can’t help but feel a little lost at the heat in those steel blue eyes.

 

“Because, jerk,” and here Steve pauses, moving closer so that their faces are now only inches apart, “I love you and I want to keep this - you, me, and the twins - for as long as you’ll have me.”

 

As the words wash over him, Bucky smiles, big and wide.

 

When Steve finally leans forward and kisses him, he feels like flying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here, my absolute favorite line of poetry was the inspiration for this chapter title:
> 
> I love the handful of the earth you are.  
> Because of its meadows, vast as a planet,  
> I have no other star. You are my replica  
> of the multiplying universe.  
> -Pablo Neruda, Sonet XVI


	5. Over the Waters of Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You’re my home, Stevie. I’ll go wherever you go.”

In the next few weeks, the twins don’t notice a difference in how Steve and Bucky act with each other, but the rest of the Avengers do. While they’ve always been close, easy with physical affection, Bucky sees the besotted, knowing look on Steve’s face every time they do so now, and knows that his expression is exactly the same when he looks at Steve. 

 

Being together, at least in this new, official capacity, is as easy as breathing. It feels like they’ve been doing this for so long, been there for each other through thick and thin, through hell and high water, that this next step has always been just around the corner.

 

Now, when their hands brush, it’s intentional, sought out. When they lean into each other, they wrap the other up in their arms and give a chaste, soothing kiss to the other’s lips. It’s as if they’re more in sync than ever before because they’re finally 100% open and honest with each other, carefree with their emotions and actions, charting out the way that they love and care so deeply for each other with each soft caress, each warm smiling kiss, that it makes Bucky feel like he’s floating on cloud nine. 

 

Dr. Cho comments on it during their next session. Bucky can only smile as he fills her in on all of the things he’s hoped for, and all - well most - of the things that he and Steve have talked about late at night after the kids are asleep and they’re lying in bed, wrapped up in each other and closer than ever.

 

“I’m happy for you, Bucky,” she tells him, voice warm and sincere. 

 

Bucky feels the ever-present smile on his face widen, unable to hold back his own happiness at her words, “Thanks, Helen.”

 

“So, what’s next?”

 

“I think we’ll go on an adventure.”

 

*

 

The twins both love and hate being in a car. They’re on their way to Central Park, Happy driving them at the request of Tony just to ensure that the four of them have backup should they need it. Bucky is grateful for the gesture.

 

Wanda and Pietro’s faces are smushed against the glass, gazing up at the tall buildings that surround them in wonder and excitement. They haven’t had many opportunities to leave the tower, so being able to see the city from this vantage point has them both gaping in wonder. 

 

“Everything’s so...tall!” Pietro says, voice filled with awe as he looks up, up, up at the skyscrapers and his breath fogs up the window. 

 

“Yes, it is,” Steve answers, voice filled with amusement. 

 

“Are we there yet?” Wanda’s whine is more impatient than petulant. 

 

Bucky smiles at her, “Almost, маленький.” She grins and looks back out the window, face expectant as red tendrils begin to dance around her from all of the excitement. 

 

Steve catches his eye and they smile at each other like the two besotted fools they are.

 

Once they reach the park entrance, Happy drops them off with a friendly wave and a reminder to call him if they need anything. Bucky and Steve don’t get a chance to wave back because as soon as the twins have exited the car, they try to take off. Steve is quick to take hold of Wanda’s hand and draw her to his side while Bucky snatches at Pietro’s arm, his hold gentle but firm, before he can zoom away.

 

“Remember the rules, you have to stay by us the entire time, okay?” Steve reminds them.

 

Bucky chuckles at their eagerness, both barely taking a moment to appease Steve before they’re pulling them toward the park with all of the excitement of the day. He’s surprised that they aren’t more shy of people, but happy to see that they could honestly care less about the hundreds of strangers around them in the busy park. Steve leads the way, entering the park and making sure to point out different sights to the twins. 

 

Their first stop is the Conservatory Water, where the twins ooh and ahh over the model boats on the pond. They point at the different boats, claiming which ones are their favorite and following them along the edge of the water as they zip around. Proudly, Bucky watches as they both control their powers even with all of the excitement. Steve is busy taking pictures of everything the twins do and Bucky indulges him by posing for a few too.

 

After the model boats, they head over to Belvedere Castle, where the twins jump excitedly up and down at the sight. All of those Disney movies about princesses and castles have them excited to finally explore one. They love everything about the experience and their excitement makes Bucky appreciate the old building even more, admiring the architecture and the history. 

 

Their last stop is the Victorian Gardens, which Bucky had been the most excited about all day. He remembers enjoying amusement parks like Coney Island when he was a kid and he’s excited to share that experience with the twins. When they enter the park, Wanda and Pietro are almost overwhelmed by all of the attractions, not sure which way to go or what to do first. Steve points them in the direction of the giant swing and they eagerly follow after him, waiting in line while Bucky stands off to the side not eager to fly through the air strapped only into a small metal swing. 

 

The smiles on their faces will be etched into Bucky’s memory for years to come.

 

At the end of the day, all four of them are tuckered out and ready to go home. Steve calls Happy while Bucky buys the twins corn dogs and some water. The busy day leaves them starving and they quickly eat the food and instantly want more. Bucky spies an ice cream stand a little ways down and motions to Steve with a nod. By the time they get their ice cream and the twins’ faces are sticky from the sweet treat, Happy has called them and they’re back in the car, zooming away from the park and back toward Avengers Tower.

 

“This was the bestest day ever,” Wanda sighs happily, curling up on the seat so that her head is resting on Bucky’s arm.

 

“The best,” Pietro agrees, face serious in his assessment of the day. Steve ruffles his hair affectionately as Pietro begins to nod off too.

 

“The very best,” Bucky echoes, looking over at Steve and giving him a wide grin. Steve leans in, returning the grin with one of his own before he pecks a light kiss on Bucky’s lips. 

 

“Always the best day when I’m with my best guy,” Steve whispers, eyes playful and oh so mischievous.

 

“Punk,” Bucky smiles back, leaning in for another quick kiss.

 

“Yep,” Steve winks, and Bucky bites back a groan at the triumphant, knowing look in Steve’s eyes.

 

That night, once the twins have tiredly brushed their teeth and washed their faces, when Steve and Bucky are lying in bed, lying on their sides so that they’re face to face in the darkness, hands touching and heads bent toward each other, Steve gives him another considering look, eyes calculating.

 

“Spit it out, Rogers, I ain’t got all night.”

 

Steve laughs, “How do you always know when I got somethin’ to say? Ya jerk.”

 

“Because, punk, you get this stupid look on your face,” Bucky teases, pinching Steve’s side until he relents.

 

“Okay, okay, I’ll tell ya, geesh.” 

 

Bucky lets Steve catch his breath, lets the stillness of the night settle back over them as the serious look returns to Steve’s handsome face.

 

“I was thinkin’ that we could move back to Brooklyn. You, me, and the kids.”

 

Bucky is almost stunned to silence, the thought never having even crossed his mind. Minutes tick by and Steve’s face grows more concerned; he moves closer so that their foreheads are resting against each other, their breaths mingling. 

 

“You want to move...to Brooklyn...with me and kids?” The words come out slowly as Bucky processes the idea.

 

“Yes.”

 

“But Brooklyn is so different now. It’s filled with hipsters.”

 

Steve laughs, and they’re close enough that Bucky can feel his smile.

 

“I know that. I just-” he stops, unsure how to continue.

 

“It’s home,” Bucky finishes for him. Steve nods this time, the tiny movement causing their noses to brush and their lips to barely press together. Bucky chases the feeling, giving Steve a long, lingering kiss filled with all of the what-ifs of the past and the could-bes of the future. Their future.

 

“Is that a yes?” Steve whispers when they finally break the kiss, lips still brushing as they gaze into each other’s eyes.

 

“You’re my home, Stevie. I’ll go wherever you go.” The smile that breaks across Steve’s face is so big, so bright that it reminds Bucky of the power of the sun and the moon all rolled into one. 

 

“You’re my home, too, Buck.” And, like a tidal wave, Steve moves over him, through him, crashing their lips together again and again as the night settles around them, blanketing them in the hope of tomorrow.

 

*

 

It takes less than one month for Steve to find them an apartment. They can’t move in until Tony’s team has remodeled the place, making it fit for two super soldiers and two super children to live in, but they’ve found a new home.

 

The Avengers take the news fairly well, Pepper giving them both big hugs and telling them how much she’ll miss them. Natasha teasing them with the promise that she’ll be sure to visit. Clint offering to come over often for pizza parties, which makes Pietro very happy. Sam giving Steve a huge pat on the back saying, “I’m happy for you man,” then turning to Bucky and giving him a playful punch before pulling him in for a hug too.

 

When it comes to telling the twins, Bucky isn’t sure what to expect, but they both seem okay with the idea. They have to confirm with Tony that Dum-E could come with them, but after that their only other concerns were if they would still get to go to school in the Tower and see all of their friend.

 

The guilty look on Steve’s face tells Bucky just how bad he feels about the idea of uprooting the twins. Wanda and Pietro’s lives have already been upturned more than two six year olds deserve, and now they were asking them to do it again. 

 

That night at bedtime, Bucky tells them a story of two children and their family that were excited to move to a new home. He tells them that while the children and their dads were sad to leave their old home, which they loved very much, they were also excited about all of the new adventures they would have and the friends they would meet. Steve gives him a knowing look but doesn’t say anything. 

 

The twins become enraptured with the idea of picking out paint colors and decorating their new home. They are so excited that the very next morning they demand to design the whole house. 

 

With Steve’s numerous art skills, he sits down with the twins at the kitchen island and takes fastidious notes about what the twins want. Then, over the course of the week, he turns them into immaculate drawings of what their new home will look like.

 

Smiles wide and eager, Wanda and Pietro pester them with questions: “When do we get to move? How far away is it? Will Jarvis be moving with us, too?”

 

When Peter hears the news and tells the twins that they’ll be moving closer to him and his Aunt May, Wanda squeals with delight and literally flies into the air. Pietro runs in circles around the room before colliding into Peter with a big hug as they crash to the floor.

 

Before they can move in, however, Fury and the entire Avengers team seem to think it’s necessary to run diagnostics and surveillance squads, preparing for every possibility. Bucky is grateful for the support, not only of their quiet acceptance of their decision to retire and live separate from the Avengers, but to make sure that they will all be safe and have a direct line to the Avengers should they need it.

 

With a few months to go until everything will be ready, Steve and Bucky decide to distract the kids with the upcoming fourth of July celebration. Once Peter shows them videos of fireworks, they all but forget about their impatience to move and focus instead on exactly which fireworks they want. 

 

Tony, in a completely Tony Stark move, decides to develop his own special brand of fireworks and spends many hours in the lab with Wanda and Pietro to work through designing them. Pepper, thankfully, removes the twins from Tony’s lab once the actual construction of the fireworks begins. 

 

“What’s a birthday?” Wanda asks when they’re back in the apartment and halfway through their dinner of paprikás csirke.

 

“Uh…” Steve stares at Bucky and he shrugs, shoveling another mouthful of food into his mouth. “Your birthday is a very special day. It’s the day that you were born and then every year, on that day, all of your friends and family celebrate it with you. Because they love you.”

 

“Oh,” Wanda resumes eating her meal, seemingly pleased with Steve’s answer.

 

“Does everyone get fireworks for their birthday?” Pietro asks next, causing Steve’s face to redden and Bucky to smirk.

 

“No, not always. Just for very special occasions.”

 

“But,” Pietro seems to be thinking hard as he processes the information, “Tony said that you get fireworks for your birthday  _ every _ year.”

 

Steve’s face reddens further. He sets down his fork and turns to look at Pietro, “Yes, that’s true. But that’s not because my birthday is special, it’s just that my birthday is July fourth, which is a special day here in the United States.”

 

“So the fireworks aren’t for your birthday?” Pietro pouts, as if the idea upsets him.

 

Steve looks at Bucky helplessly, unsure how to continue.

 

“What Tony was trying to tell you, is that Steve’s birthday is very special,” Bucky looks over at Steve as if daring him to object, “and it also happens to be on a very special day, so he gets fireworks and cake all in the same day. And we,” Bucky gestures at Wanda, Pietro, and then himself, “get to celebrate with him and have cake and ice cream and play in the pool and set off fireworks.”

 

“Really?!” Pietro is so excited by this news that he literally begins to vibrate, moving faster than the eye can see.

 

Bucky reaches out, snatching the glass of milk that slips from Pietro’s fingers before he settles back down. Steve arches an eyebrow and they make a mental note to talk to Bruce about this development of Pietro’s powers later.

 

“Really really,” Bucky says.

 

When the fourth of July finally comes around, the twins are bursting with excitement and the whole day is filled with festivities. Tony has invited everyone to the Tower for the day’s events and the usually quiet residential floors are now bustling with activity. 

 

Bucky is glad to see Okoye and Nakia, giving them warm smiles before turning to embrace Shuri and T’Challa. T’Challa offers him to return to Wakanda, but Bucky happily tells him that he and Steve are moving into an apartment back home in Brooklyn, gesturing to Wanda and Pietro. The king smiles at him and Nakia gives him another big hug. Okoye’s eyes are bright with mirth and she nods approvingly.

 

Wanda and Pietro are enchanted by Groot, who is now in the last stages of puberty, or so Rocket has told them. Groot seems just as enamored with them and he grows flower crowns and plops them on the twins’ heads. Cassie joins them and is just as delighted when Groot gives her her very own flower crown.

 

The main floor of the Avengers’ common space is crowded and Bucky makes his way outside, unsure where Steve has snuck off to. Instead, he finds Mantis and Hope chatting outside and approaches them, giving first Hope and then Mantis a warm hug. “It’s great to see you.”

 

Mantis leans away but keeps her hand on Bucky’s flesh arm, her antennae glowing, “You are immensely happy.” She smiles at him, “I am happy for you, Bucky.” 

 

“We all are,” Hope chimes in, giving him another quick hug.

 

Bucky doesn’t know what to say other than, “Thanks.”

 

The day goes quickly and everyone is happy to be together, celebrating Steve but also just enjoying the opportunity to laugh and relax, to be in each other’s company without any sort of emergency.

 

When Bucky finally finds Steve, he is talking with Thor and Korg, Miek no doubt somewhere close by. He walks over to them and slides his arm around Steve’s waist, pulling him closer and planting a kiss on his cheek.

 

“You two make a fine couple,” Thor says happily, his bright enthusiasm burning through. 

 

Steve looks at Bucky, and Bucky looks right back, “Yeah, we do.” 

 

Bucky rolls his eyes. Steve leans in and gives him a big, loud kiss.

 

“Ewwww,” Cassie yells from somewhere nearby, followed closely by Wanda and Pietro who worship everything the older, silly girl does.

 

“Great, now we’ll have to put up with that,” Bucky sighs but relishes the normalcy, reminded of his own antics at that age anytime his parents were caught kissing.

 

Steve smiles widely at him. “I guess we’ll just have to get used to it,” he says somewhat smugly as he kisses him again, this time with a little more heat and a lot more promise.

 

“Your dads are gross!”

 

Bucky cackles at the disgust in Cassie’s voice, amazed to hear Wanda’s response, “Not as gross as your dad!”

 

The look of bewildered amazement on Steve’s face is enough to confirm that yes, that really did happen. Bucky leans in for another kiss, this one just a quick peck on the corner of Steve’s gaping mouth as they both bask in the moment of Wanda calling them her dads for a second longer.

 

“You’ve got your hands full with that one,” Korg chimes in, breaking the spell. Bucky turns to the rock-man and gives him a ‘well what can you do’ shrug.

 

As soon as the sun begins to set, the children - including the teens - all start to beg and whine about when they can use the fireworks. And the Avengers, ever the soft schmucks, crumble to their every wish. 

 

Tony prepares the larger fireworks while Peter and Shuri instruct the children on how to do some of the smaller scale stuff. Before long, everyone comes out to the launch pad to watch the excitement,  which, for the night, is strictly being used for fireworks. 

 

At one point, everyone takes turns helping the kids. Bucky watches as Steve takes pictures of every last second of it. He captures the amazement in their eyes when they light their first sparkler, and the wide, gap toothed grins as they set off their first flower bombs. 

 

Valkyrie and Natasha help make sure the kids don’t set themselves or anything else on fire and Dum-E is on standby with a fire extinguisher on the sidelines. Bucky decides to join in on the festivities and pulls Steve away from picture taking to do a few sparklers of their own. As soon as they spot them, the twins are running over to Bucky and Steve, eager to show them how to properly move the sparklers. They carefully follow the twins’ instructions and can’t help but smile at one another at the delight on their kids’ faces.

 

As soon as the sun has set, Tony sets off the first big firework and everyone stops what they’re doing to watch the show. Bucky and Steve move to sit down and the twins are soon scrambling into their laps, leaning back against their chests to watch the colorful display over the city at night. Tony must have pulled some strings to be able to shoot fireworks off of the Tower, but whatever he had to do, Bucky is sure glad he did it. The awe and wonder on the twins’ faces don’t go away the entire time, and the sight is breathtaking. 

 

As the fireworks continue on, moving from one colorful depiction of one Avenger then to next, Steve’s hand finds Bucky’s and they look at each other, the city lights mixing with the colorful hues of the changing fireworks, before gazing back up at the night sky.

 

Bucky thinks back to all those months ago when he was living in Wakanda, spending every second he could outside, breathing in the fresh air and appreciating the fresh start he had been given. He thinks back to those first memories that he recovered, remembering London: the heavy scent of smoke in the air, the sticky countertop of the bar, and the heavy feeling of war all around them.

 

“How about you? Are you ready to follow Captain America into the jaws of death?” Steve had asked, his voice so familiar even though his body had changed so much.

 

“Hell, no. That little guy from Brooklyn who was too dumb not to run away from a fight. I’m following him.”

 

The bar fades around him and Bucky looks at Steve, his arms wrapped around Piero as they observe the fireworks together. Wanda shifts on his own lap, pointing at the bright red flash in the sky that looks like her when she’s flying, red tendrils all around her. 

 

Looking back at them, he can’t help but think that he’s sure glad he did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is from the ever-talented Pablo Neruda:
> 
> No one else, Love, will sleep in my dreams.  
> You will go, we will go together, over the waters of time.  
> No one else will travel through the shadows with me.  
> Only you, evergreen, ever sun, ever moon.  
> -Pablo Neruda, Sonnet LXXI
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you all for reading! Don't forget to check out the amazing artwork of [koreanrage](https://koreanrage.tumblr.com/post/185468982300/and-my-other-collab-for-this-years-caprbb-fic) on tumblr!


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